Just Wandering

I've managed to catch a kick ass cold so I am currently exhausted and would like nothing more than to flop on the bed and never move. Obviously I can't do that, so thank goodness some of that is a fabulous kind of exhausted. My summer thus far has been one surprise after another, one guest after another and one fantastic time after another. The only thing that could make this summer better would be playing naked bongo tag with a smelly Texan.

While I won't bore you with the details of my debauchery (that actually made me laugh), I will share some minor things that crept into the month I've been gone. Hmmm, let us think...

~I discovered that you can really gross someone by announcing that you hate Spotted Dick. Be sure to follow it up with "the last time it was in my mouth it was gooey and rancid". Guaranteed conversation killer.

~I realized that my 7 (soon to be 8) year old will tower over me by this time next year. She grew another 2 inches. I'm either raising Cindy Crawford or fucking Chyna.

~I have total weakness for furry pussy. I just can't help but want to stroke them and plant wet kisses on them. I am completely pussy whipped. The Warden likes pussies too...although he insists that he has it better than I do. After all, he likes to stroke pussies of different species. Hot.

~A friend of ours came out over the summer. We already knew but he apparently hadn't realized that we knew. The following conversation transpired between him and the Warden:

Friend: I'm just going to say this fast. I'm gay.
Warden: You suck dick?
Friend: Um, yes.
Warden: And this changes the way you play soccer how?
Friend: It doesn't.
Warden: Well then, what the fuck are you being all dramatic about?

He said that after a hard time concerning his family, that exchange comforted him more than he could explain. I may have mentioned it once or twice but I married a pretty amazing guy.

~The Warden and I became an Uncle and Aunt. If you could see the amount of eye rolling I am doing you would be awed and wonder how it is I'm not popping a socket. I assure you that this has nothing to do with the adorable little bundle of joy. (Hush Warden. Do NOT put the words unfortunate looking in my comment box.) It has to do with the fact that my sister in law is a lazy twit who only had the child because it was too late for an abortion. Oh yeah, I said it and I ain't taking it back.

~I have now managed to kill 2 computers and a digital camera. I am like the black plague to electronics. This has also contributed to my decline in internet activities. I'll be getting a new computer in a day or two, unless they have sent out a notice to their friends to hide.

Hopefully with the summer nearly over and a spankin' new computer for me, I'll be around these parts more often.