DSL Hell Revisited

My DSL is a big tease. Since early this morning it has been popping on and off. Just when I am about to chuck the whole lot of it out the window it suddenly comes back on. And I lovingly caress it, call it baby, thank it for being so beautiful. It blinks at me..my heart swells. I stroke the mouse and tap one finger quickly. I hold my breath waiting for that moment, that wondrous moment. Anticipation. And then....PAGE CANNOT BE DISPLAYED.

Bitch.

Called the tech line...you know those people that really don't give a flying crap and talk to you like your two. The first tech asks me two minutes into the conversation..."Have you gone online and checked our help page"? **Insert dumbfounded look here**. I tell him it's intermittent. He asked me what that meant. *Big Sigh*. 30 minutes later I know nothing more than I knew before. The DSL pops on while I'm on the phone. Great he says, I fixed it. I suggest we wait because the problem comes and goes..interfuckingmittant. 10 minutes of silence and my ho of a DSL box still hasn't gone out. So we hang up. Two minutes later, she conks out again.

Bitch.

Tech line round 2 gets me Sarenita. She knows what intermittent means. She runs a test line and says the problem isn't with them. She says my computer isn't receiving the information from them. Ya think? I spend the next 45 minutes plugging and pulling, clicking and powering down as instructed my whatshername. Nothing. She suggests maybe I need a new box. Ya think? Then she tells me the cost and proceeds to try and sell me everything from cable wires to steak knives.

Just send me a new modem. Wait, is that a kid I hear crying in the background? Is that glass breaking?? Suddenly Sarenita is anxious to get off the phone...wonder why. She says we need to be sure. She'll upgrade the priority of my problem and have a technician come out to have a look. Earliest available appointment? Next Thursday. Sarenita I say, go take care of your kid. I'll handle this on my own.

Turns out that after all the drama my box was just over heated (and not in a good way). Who told me this miracle of technical information?? The Kid. "Mom, it's hot. When the Playstation acted weird, you called it some bad names and said it was overheated. You took the plug out. The box thing needs it's plugs pulled".

See that there, I'm raising a friggin' genius! Screw you tech line, I got me in house assistance! Watch out MIT...Kid Wanders is coming! (Of course it will just be to torture corrupt say hi to your geeks. She probably won't be attending. She'll be too busy trying to stay out of prison, trouble.)

*Posts tagged with "From the vault" were not written recently. I have a file full of old posts I never got around to posting. Since I'm still wrapping things up around here, I thought no better time than now to post them.*